Wednesday, November 5, 2008
So Courtney Love bought a couple of things from my Etsy shop! I sent along a nice little thank you gift, I hope she likes it! I can't tell you how much this means to me, it was another confirmation of sorts. I'll tell you why...it all started in High School (89-93) when I was a young punk rock girl. The punk scene was really dominated by guys...especially at shows. (I use the term punk loosely to descibe the 'Alternative' music scene and culture) My love for Sonic Youth led me to bands like Bikini Kill, L7 and Babes in Toyland...bands that laid the groundwork for the riot girl punk movement. A dysfunctional home, Witchcraft and Music were the primary elements that shaped my young identity. Identifying with other punk girls and a woman-centric religion was empowering as opposed to my home life that made me feel trapped and powerless. Moving forward a bit, I left home several months after graduating High School. But I just moved from one dysfunctional situation into another. I lived in a crash palace with one of my best friends, and my boyfriend. It was a party all night, sleep all day situation...I really started to feel lost in the forest. After moving around from place to place for a while, my Aunt stepped in and offered to help me go to college. I attended Columbia College-Chicago, majoring in Fine Arts. I was bored to death the first semester...my studies lacked the depth I was hoping for. My relationship with my boyfriend at the time was becoming increasinly self-destructive. I needed CHANGE! That was the year Courtney Love's band, Hole released "Live Through This". It provided the fuel I needed to Rock On! My second semester I decided my minor would be "Women's Studies". I signed up for 2 life changing classes. One was called "Women in Art, Literature and Music" and the other was called "Exploring the Goddess". I discovered inspiring female artists like Frida Kahlo, Anais Nin, and Camille Claudel. I remember reading an incredible book called Meeting the Madwoman: Empowering the Feminine Spirit. It had a huge impact on me. Jungian analyst Linda Schierse Leonard wrote about the archtype of the madwoman as a messenger, metaphor and model who points the way to women's liberation. The Dark Muse, The Recluse, The Bag Lady, The Visionary, The Revolutionary, The Scorned Woman, The Caged Bird. The author encourages women to acknowledge their own madwoman in order to transform themselves. Meanwhile I was studying the many faces of the Goddess in my other class. It was the Goddess, Kali that I identified with the most. Goddess of Death and Destruction, Liberator from the bonds of Illusion. I found her image extremly empowering and had her image tattooed as an entire half sleeve by my friend Kim Saigh (yes, she's now on LA INK) I was a self proclaimed Spiritual Woman Warrior. I was all fired up and ready to set out and spread the TRUTH! Here's a pic of me during that time period (11 years ago!) a couple of months before I got pregnant with my daughter, Maya.
I was inducing altered states by taking alot of Acid and Mushrooms at the time. After quite a few revelations about my life path as revealed to me by my Higher Consciousness, I dropped out of school! I knew I just needed to be there to awaken the Goddess! Yes, I know that sounds crazy! I started making Intuitive Art after that and getting really deep into my Occult studies and spiritual practice. A strong spiritual foundation was the only thing to pull me through the following 10 years. It was a whirlwind...my own personal Armagedon! One of my best friends/twin soul was killed while riding his bike. Followed by my mom's sister's suicide. Followed by my little sister Laina's heroin overdose that left her in a permanant vegetative state. A few years later my other little sister Sage, came to live with me...she had already been in rehab by the time she was 12. After she moved back home with my mom, she relapsed...ran away from home for a while. Followed by my Gradmother's suicide. Followed by my little sister going back to rehab after overdosing on heroin. Somewhere in between all those tragic incidents was a torrent of volatile love affairs, the births of my two beautiful children, opened/closed an Art Gallery and then Spiritual Boutique. Whew! And that's just the last decade...Live Through That! One of the primary steps of Spiritual Purification in Alchemy is called 'Nigredo' it translates into 'Blackening' Purification through Fire...burning! All that Death and Destruction was meant to make me stronger. I destroyed every false ideology fed to me as a child. Destroyed anything that kept me from evolving...including my own ego/self. I've been liberated from all false belief systems imposed upon me. I've destroyed all negative, parental, religious, and social conditioning about who I'm supposed to be. Chant it down...Ma Ma Ma Kali!
Maybe then you can understand why I find someone like Courtney Love inspiring. She just keeps going...keeps creating, no matter how many times she falls down...she gets up again! She's about to release her next album 'Nobody's Daughter' "I think the title just says it all," Love explained. "I'm not pouting. I'm not playing anything up. I don't have parents that I acknowledge. I'm nobody's daughter. I'm nobody's wife. I'm nobody's bitch. I'm nobody's daughter. I'm nobody's widow. I'm somebody's mother. Other than that, I don't identify with these other female roles I'm supposed to have."
It's time to get off my ass and back in the saddle. Can't keep a good woman down! Thanks for the reminder Courtney Love! Rock On Sister...It's the dawn of the Goddess Revival!