It's been a while since we've had one of little heart to hearts! One year ago next month my little sister finally died after 7 years of unbelievable suffering. Her death marked the end of a very dark period of my life. But amazing things are starting to happen, and life truly does go on! I've still been struggling against a myriad of negative emotions though, I feel stuck! During my blog hiatus I started doing these exercises to clear my creative channels. The focus was to release the energies that have been stifling my growth. Most of it was residual energies I set in place during a time when I wasn't feeling very safe in the world. Natural reactions to my personal experiences. But some walls were built quite consciously to ward off the evils long enough for me to gather my strength, find new spiritual allies and establish a stronger connection with the SOURCE. I created walls and boundaries so nothing could get in to harm me while nursing some very deep wounds. I had been hit from every angle! My Broken Dream (having to close my boutique), Love Lost (the worst relationship catastrophe up to date that left me with a mutilated heart). Not to mention one family tragedy after another! For a moment I thought the darkness would swallow me up forever! But I'm almost done healing...and my whole family is finally healing. Thank GOD(DESS)!!!
Mary Queen of Heaven, Most holy Virgin and Mother, whose soul was pierced by Sorrow, pray for us...
Even though the light is shining these days I'm still feeling tired and listless, depressed, sad, angry...sometimes all at once! I'm swimming against the current, but damn...this is exhausting! In addition to doing visualizations to clear my creative channels, I'm starting the Master Cleanse on the next Full Moon! Time to exercise the rest of these fucking demons...I need to move forward! I realize that even bouts of depression can be useful...a while back I wrote about the stage of Alchemy called NIGREDO.
Despair by Alex Grey"In psychology, Carl Jung interpreted nigredo as the moment of maximum despair, that is a prerequisite to personal development. Nigredo is "the dark night of the soul". He says "Right at the beginning you meet the dragon, the chthonic spirit, the devil or, as the alchemists called it, the blackness, the nigredo, and this encounter produces suffering..." It brings the ego into contact with what it fears. The state of Nigredo is often caused by a traumatic experience, and signifies the natural period of despair. This is where the alchemist has to lose everything. He must give up all attachments and become like a child again. Everything has been destroyed in the fire...Nigredo is the corruption that must take place before growth, the chaos that gives birth to cosmos."
Helix Nebula "Eye of God"
I've been exploring this ideology a bit more lately. In fact something really interesting happened when I started typing this post. I googled "stifling my growth" because I thought I spelled stifling wrong. I could have used the spell check...well anyway an article titled "Dark Energy Found Stifling Growth in Universe" came up! I'm not going dive into quantum physics here...But my point here is that the expansion of the Universe has been slowing due to Dark Energy, Dark Matter. I immediately saw the correlation between this phenomena and my own so I did a little further investigation.
"We live in a cold and empty universe, in a time when energies are so low that we can no longer see what space contained in the fiery instants when the universe was born..."
The Universe is depressed! "AS ABOVE, SO BELOW" Humanity is also plagued with dark energy! "the corruption that must take place before growth, the chaos that gives birth to cosmos." The end is near and the Golden Age is almost here! As the Universe (GOD) works through his/her depression...we will work through ours! 2012 marks a shift in consciousness. It's a revolution, a transformation, a sort of metamorphosis. It just does not happen, but rather it is driven by agents of change." So does the expansion of our Consciousness = expansion of the Universe? vice versa "Elementary, my dear Watson!" Everything is connected...WE are all connected! WE are the agents of change!!!
Black Hole
Going deeper, Gaia, our Mother Earth Is A Living Entity! A living celestial body in a vast Infinite Universe. Scientists are finding that the earth is alive and is communicating like other living beings. The concept that life has to be associated with biology and organic chemistry is becoming an obsolete idea. All planets are living entities! So what about Dark Energy in the Universe? Black Holes, Supernovas, Gamma Rays...these are living entities too! "Black Holes; these massive and terrible intergalactic consumers, caused by the collapse of giant stars and feeding on the wastes of galaxies, are arguably the most powerful and destructive force in the universe." Just like the parasites in our dis-eased bodies and the demons and discarnate spirits (spiritual parasites) that feed upon our minds and souls! So go heal your bodies and wash your soul! Then go make LOVE in your neighborhood because it's time to clean up this mess! WE are the agents of change...
Related Writings: Trials by Fire and the Dark Side of the Moon
10 comments:
I wish we lived closer so we could have tea. You seem to possess so much wisdom, and I'm really inspired by your attitude. Much love and positive energy to you as you emerge from the darkness!
Fabulous post! I see Kali sitting in black holes.....
Hey Stephanie! I wish I had more like minded ladies closer to home too! Thanks for the love!
Tecu'Mish...exactly, exactly!!!
xo!
shamanic death...i've been thinking in these circles too (it's strange how these cycles go? maybe our age?)
cleanse and upward, you will know when it's time. dark nights, yes, but they can allow restful sleep and healing if we are not afraid to sit quietly in them.
Amazing post and blog in general, thank you! I'm sorry you've had such an awful time xx
Several years ago, I fell into a very deep hole of depression. It's actually been about six years. Hard to believe, since I wasn't really "present" for most of that time. I can tell you, at least from my experience, there were many weeks and months when I said I'm finally getting better. And I meant it. But it just seemed to go on forever ... that sense that things were STARTING to look up ... but I never seemed to get beyond that "starting" feeling. I think I can finally say I have gone beyond the starting gate. I am telling you this because I have a feeling it is not an unusual thing, so if you find yourself feeling that way, do not despair. It does eventually get better. Another thing that happened to me, after being depressed for so many years, was that I started to love my depression, and did not want to "lose" it. Not really sure why I am telling you (and the rest of the world) all this .... except as a reaching out and sharing and saying you have company. I am really, really sorry about your sister. That is a very large tragedy. One last thing: I highly recommend that you try Reiki. I've only had it done once, but it was wonderful. I'm really looking forward to doing it again. xo.
A fascinating post. Thank you for this.
Beautiful and moving post. As you pass through this harrowing of hell, you are helping us all.
On to Rubedo!
Morna, thank you for sharing! I love to connect with kindred spirits! Brightest Blessings!
Tamera, my sweet sister Moon! I know you've really been through hell and high water! But Heaven is almost here...we'll persevere!
And yes Sister Shirley...it's Rubedo or bust!
sending love & light to all of you!!! xo Lavona
Just quickly glanced at this and am amazed. Many yrs ago during jungian analysis i had a vision of the devil appear to me. It was absolutely terrifying. Some yrs later i came under attack from invisible entities. There was a evil power attacking me and I became infested with filthy animals entering me. Twelve yrs later I am still struggling to free myself from this evil.
Brian
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